Without Cause

I don't know why, but I feel like writing. Unfortunately, a predictable companion to this dis-knowledge is that I haven't a clear picture of what I might write about. By all means, feel free to cease reading immediately in expectation of a post with well-defined theses, but understand such a thing may never come into existence.

I would like to thank you, dear readers, real and imagined, for taking interest in my blog, and not simply for your empathic inklings. This gratitude extends from the joy I've experienced in publishing my thoughts in writing. I have long considered myself far more capable in written, rather than spoken, communication. This notion was occasionally observed in high school, thought the lack of stimulating topics and the suffocation of creativity brought about by mere mandate stifled whatever potential I had more often than not. But here, where I can write about whatever happens to catch my fancy without regard to proper essay structure or, for that matter, well-formed ideas, I think I've been able to gain some ability. I took the GRE test recently and, at least in part due to this blog, performed best in writing: 5.5/6 points, which equates to the 92nd percentile of all who take this test. Further, the test was taken in lieu of my favored Dvorak keyboard layout, which I estimate reduced my typing speed by at least 20 wpm. That's all the bragging I can stand to do for now.

The reason I was taking the GRE is that I'm now in the process of applying to various graduate schools. I haven't concluded on any programs, but in general am interested in a MS in Civil Engineering with emphasis in Water Resources. One of my professors persuaded me to look into UC Berkeley where the Civil Systems program looks more interesting than their others, perhaps even more interesting than WR elsewhere. But I've only begun looking at schools.

In light of the expectation that I'll start school again next year, I've stopped looking for career path exits to this hum-drum life. Actually, I stopped looking about a month ago, when Erik Anderson asked me to help out with MCC's high school group. So no more spending pointless hours on Craigslist and Monster seeking and applying for engineering jobs for which I think I am qualified. Instead, my days are seas of time spent enjoying the marvels of Hulu and the diverse wisdoms of writers of theology, philosophy, and physics punctuated by brief spells of graduate school applications. I also started lowering my standards for employment and applied to Target, Radio Shack, and Best Buy. I know, I disgust myself, too. On the plus-side, if the Geek Squad hires me, I can blog about the similarities between my life and Chuck Bartowsky's.

Some things I've been reading:

Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid - Douglas Hofstadter

-A really big book of ambitious scope, self described as "in the spirit of Lewis Carroll." Offers unique insights on the concepts of intelligence, philosophy, and mathematics. More enjoyable than it sounds, but I didn't finish the 777 pages before it was due back at the library.

The New Friars: The Emerging Movement Serving the World's Poor - Scott A. Bessenecker

-A friend's recommendation, as it pertains to my oft-hoped-for life's trajectory. Likens young missionaries to urban slums around the world to several monks and nuns in the early days of monasticism. Will make you want to move downtown and live in a homeless shelter. My warning is: consider your personal mission. Don't go where you want or where a book tells you, go where you're called.

Born Crucified: The Cross in th Life of the Believer - L. E. Maxwell

-Old-school paperback from my mom's shelf about realizing your old, sinful self has been crucified and is dead, and in this death your resurrected self is more alive in Christ than ever. I was worried one day I wasn't getting enough wisdom in my life, so I picked this at random.

A Brief History of Time - Stephen Hawking

-I finally realize I never understood relativity and string theory, and never will. But it's fun to think about anyway.

endpost

Job Market

No, I'm not gone. A lot of things aren't going according to plan. Get over it.

I feel betrayed.

America told me that I should use whatever smartness I might have and pursue a nifty and pricey education and that I would be rewarded hansomely for listening to it, aligning my goals with its own. And that's what I did, though I admit it took me long enough to realize what I was doing and put any heart into it. So now here I am with a nifty piece of paper printed with some nifty latin words and nifty gilded illuminations and some really nifty signatures and that's all. I thought we had a deal, 'merica. You said that if I spent four to five years of my life in mild poverty you would give me something useful to do.

I just read a news article that made me reconsider considering applying for lower-level jobs (i.e. working at Target or a supermarket). The writer explained that it would take the better part of a decade for my salary to catch up with what it would have been provided I found and took a job within my expertise. Whatever. I don't really care about that. He also brought to my attention that by working below my professional capacity, I am taking work that could be done by people who don't have the possibility of finding more exclusive employment. Basically, I'd be stealing from the poor.

I have mulled over the thought that by working anywhere, particularly in an engineering job and particularly during a recession, I would be taking work and money from someone else who needs it. I, as evident in my life without gainful employment, certainly do not need work. I could live off my parents for quite a while, though I can't imagine anyone would be thrilled with that arrangement. If you're interested in how I manage in my current situation, I think my senses of dignity have been dulled by the hope or dream that it is temporary--I thought very temporary until this week. The conclusion I reached is that I am moving toward necessity. I don't think I am meant to free-load interminably and haven't received any further calling or instruction.

The lack of divine appointment, actually, has hit me harder than either the job hunt or the time without work. I could stand to wait for a greater calling as long as there was some redemptive work to be done and I knew I was supposed to do it. But right now there is only silence and a house to paint. I wonder if I'm looking in the right places, but don't know where else to look. I do whatever ministries come along but have no certainty that it's what I should do. Because the last year was so amazing, I'm going to call this time comparative emptiness. It is not dissimilar to my life until about 2007, but it feels different. It feels like I've dissociated with the realities I came to know and love and now just do things. And wait.

I consider myself quite patient. Under certain circumstances I can wait years for something. But one thing I think I've lost is my ability to idle. I now am becoming restless in this place and I can't confirm that it is because I should be elsewhere or because my own personal ambitions are clouding my judgement. I want to move to Seattle for the rather silly reasons of liking the weather and thinking the Space Needle is a cool building. I want to get an engineering job for one year--I could probably be pursuaded into more--and return to school for a masters and maybe a PhD--a family can never have too many doctors, and with a surname like HansPetersen, does Jeff even really count? And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I have more and more wants, like my self didn't really die. It went into stasis or has regrown from its own remains. And despite all I hear about God wanting to use my ambitions, personality, and individuality, I still get sad when I realize that I am still controlling my life and I have no idea what to do.

I appologize if this post sounded whiney but I need to vent and figure no one could possibly still be reading this.

Toodle.

Internship Transpose

Apologies for those of you who read my blog with any regularity for the delay since my last posting. My only excuse is that I haven't had any thoughts I felt were especially worth sharing with others.

I visited California for a weekend last month and got to deliver a presentation about the trip to Afghanistan and someone asked me how I thought my life might have been altered as a result of this experience--mostly the trip, but I suppose the internship and time in Colorado might be eligible for topics of response. But it didn't matter either way. I was paralyzed, which reminds me of a catchy song with a hypnotic beat. I couldn't think of anything to say, and we eventually had to move on to another question. At the time, I thought the only way I could answer was to live out my life, travel back in time before this semester and relive my life without this experience, and travel once more back in time to this instance of temporal reality to answer the question in full depth and truth. Obviously, that hasn't happened yet. If it had, I probably would have realized the silliness in putting my thoughts on a public access forum for general consumption and given up on this blog before I ever posted to it.

Since that presentation, however, the question has haunted me, but not in a bad way. It springs to the forefront of my mind in an instant, and lingers just above the subconscious level at all times. While between 70% and 90% of my instantaneous mental processing capacity is spent on completing these projects, a good portion of the remainder is allocated to contemplating the implications of this time on the rest of time. My new, revised best answer is: Little to none. For dramatic effect, I will refrain from answering until the next paragraph, to begin very shortly.

I came to EMI as a servant. Before 2009, though not long before, I already decided I wanted to find out how to seek my creator with everything I have and all I am, and I understood that as I sought Him, He would give me back a mission while my body resides in this physical realm. At intern orientation, I roughly defined my life's purpose as: to love and honor God, and to bring glory to His name. I believe this statement includes an automatic secondary objective, established by the nature of God and our relationship to Him, of acting out His plan for redemption. Nominally, this means I, as I follow Christ, will be involved in all the things people think Christians think are rules and laws--helping people see the perfection of His kingdom and enter into it by mending the fallen physical world around us. My purpose was not to have a tremendous experience overseas--this is actually one of the many reasons I wanted to work in EMI's US office--or to see, first-hand, the pain and sorrow caused by war, poverty, and famine. I am well aware of the need for followers of Christ to live out their faith outside their quarentined, priviledged lives, and I am aware that I may very easily fall into patterns of behavior that would quickly transport me into an apathetic trance of comfort and pleasure. But this realization came before my internship. I started down a path, and the time I spent here in COS and overseas were little more than a short stretch on the path. Put simply, I came here to serve, I came and served, and now my services will be put to use elsewhere. I think God impacted the work I was able to do more than I did, and so the reactive impact did not fall harshly on my life.

So when I wonder what's different, I can't say a whole lot because my life was so radically changed throughout the couple of years prior to this moment. I continue to contemplate the nature of the universe and my place in it, and in doing so find my thoughts and attitudes perpetually in flux. Eventually, I hope I'll discover some truths that will bring my mind ease and put my hands to earnest work on a project I can be certain is absolutely God-inspired, and I'll keep changing up until, and perhaps even after that time. But the direct, perceptible effect this internship had on my life is, to my best knowledge, non-existent.

Something I've been struggling with is allowing my work to be compromised with alterior motivations. I firmly believe that redemptive work is best accomplished when it is not just God-inspired but also God-driven. I want the part of myself that calls itself "self" to be destroyed, replaced by the Holy Spirit whom I think is capable of accomplishing feats that do not require further redemption. God tells us he uses all things for good, but how much better if this does not have to be done even in the good we try to do. If we could stop trying to do things, and instead allow the Sprit to do its things through us, the work of the Church would be astonishingly efficient. I am not proposing we shut our minds down or abandon our God-given creativity, but just stop doing what we want to do and hope that it will all work out in the end. I want us to stop doing ministry because it is what is expected of us, or because it is profitable, or because it makes us feel good, or any other human reason. I want ministry to be the natural result of loving Him who allows us to live out our free wills but offers a better idea.

The problem with this thinking is that it makes me rather susceptible to inactivity. I am liable to spend inordinate amounts of time in deep thought trying to determine the degree of compromise involved with an action, and ruling against most, maybe all activities.

Okay, Watchmen was perhaps less than half-decent as a movie, but some of the concepts portrayed in the story have both validity and pertinence. In a short comic within the comic book, a ship's captain is shipwrecked and driven mad by thinking the pirates who destroyed his ship would then attack his home town. He manages to float home and finds it already under seige, though a couple manages to escape the garrison to enjoy the beach. The captain thinks their freedom is a sign they had joined the pirates and, in a fit of rage, kills them both. He sneaks into his house and, in the darkness, mistakes his family for the pirates. After suffocating his own wife, he realizes the pirates hadn't yet attacked. He is simultaneously struck by fear of punishment, terror at his own action, and sorrow for his loss. He runs to the lagoon, sees the pirate ship peacefully berthed several hundred meters offshore, and swims for it, undecided as to what he would do when he arrives. He reaches the vessel and accepts a rope offered from the monstrous figures aboard. He climbs up onto the deck to embrace his own inhumanity, exclaiming "how had I reached this appaling position with love, only love as my guide?"

My point is that I am afraid of allowing ministry and service to take the place of God's direction. I want to emphasize, in my own life, the importance that I seek Him and only Him, but allow Him to lead me through all this physical form does. I want to know whether that might mean that He would allow me to compromise my belief in the possibility of motivational purity to do some necessary work for redemption. I want to know if He has more confidence in the imperfect works of men than do I, whether perfection in following is something for which I should or even can aim.

Finally, I still have a little bit of debt with EMI and I don't have a job lined up quite yet--it seems so contradictory to my present condition even to be looking for a job, but rest assured, my quandry is to date limited to my mind and, now, the Internet--so if you feel led, or simply wish to shatter my paradigm, you may donate to the cause with which I am now, not later, affiliated at https://emisecure.org/donate.html. My identy, for the sake of this website, is best wrapped up in the designation "Rob Hansen 2741." I have a distaste for financial transactions or requests thereof, so I hope you enjoyed reading this paragraph more than I writing it.

I have an affinity for elaborations on my own thoughts and am quite certain I enjoyed writing this blog more than you reading it. I don't promise I'll update this after this internship, especially since I'll soon be diagnosed with Doesn't Have A Computer, but if I come up with anything I think having other people think about would be absolutely, without compromise, a good thing, I'll manage some sort of correspondence. Maybe I'll even change my mind about the necessity for absolute purity and will write something silly just because the Internet is a big place and few people will take note no matter how how loudly I type in ALL CAPS.

Love: Seek it. Have it. Let it take over you and exist in everthing you do. Strike that, just seek it as fully as you can and let it do whatever it will. But don't mistake it for feelings or vis-versa.

Internship Just Got Awesome Again

I love drafting probably more than I as a graduate in engineering should. It is very satisfying to be able to draw straight lines for miles and miles, or turn at razor-sharp 90-degree corners. But I didn't quit learning when I got my first CAD job for a reason, though I may forget this reason from time to time.

Last week, on the way to the meeting with the soon-to-be Afghan community center project manager, Scott asked me how my internship could get better for these last few weeks. It took a long time--I rarely think of how I can get something out of work, and I often consider pure CAD to be pure enjoyment--but I eventually decided it would be fun and professionally edifying for me to participate in whatever design I could, so I said I would like to do some of the water/wastewater design work. Today, I found out that's what I'm going to do. I think I mentioned in a previous entry that our civil engineer is a professor and is quite busy these days, so my intrusion into his designated tasks are actually welcome. And a quick break from 8-9 hours of AutoCAD per day is also welcome.

In the words of Ms. Saviz, my fluid mechanics and water resources professor, "Yay!"

Busy, Busy, Busy

Things continue to move at a breathtaking pace over here. Last Wednesday, my project leader and I met with the man who has stepped up to manage the community center in Mohmandara, and handle the partnership with the reconstruction forces. After our morning meeting, we got to work on polishing up our presentation materials and delivering them back to the ministry because at 3:00 the next morning (MDT), they presented their proposal to the PRT in Nangarhar for budget approval. Wednesday afternoon was thrillingly intense as I worked as quickly as I could to clean up some architectural drawings and renderings, and our PowerPoint presentation. After work, though thoroughly exhausted, I sighed deeply, satisfied by a good day's work.

Later that night I got to attend a small dessert reception for the project manager at a ministry board member's house a little north of Colorado Springs. I got to hear more about how the project came together, how God had been working in so many ways and so many places to bring this about. In fact, the president of the ministry and his staff marvelled at how no one in the organization had sought out this project--it is almost as though it spontaneously generated from pure need. The Mohman people independantly requested assistance from the missionaries. EMI independantly reformed its relationship with the ministry. The PRTs independantly saw the opportunity of a project of this type in our project location. A man independantly decided to retire from his job during a recession and start working for a non-profit missions organization. And all of these independant events miraculously coincided geo-temporally to bring these services to a rural village in Afghanistan.

Bokononism and Christianity are mutually exclusive, right?

Some of those present at the dessert, in sharing previous experiences, brought me to realize that God does not always put things on cruise-control for us. Oftentimes, if he gives us a message, we will have to pursue that calling as long as we can without confirmation or apparent intervention. As I came into this experience, I was actually anticipating this scenario, where I would hear God's direction and would have to work hard, fighting every conceivible obstacle to reach the destination. I was looking forward to proving my faith not to my Lord--he already knows my heart as he knew Abraham's--but to myself. I feared that if I didn't do something that would challenge myself, all that I've learned in the past couple of years would mysteriously vanish and I would find myself petty and irrelevant as I perceived myself to have been all along.

I think, as I near the end of this internship and desperately fight regressing into my former self, I'm beginning to realize that many of my notions of what it will mean to live fully devoted to my Savior were incomplete. It may not be as difficult as I was believing, as I was hoping, though I keep in mind that it very well may be everything I expected or even more.

Last Thursday, the Van and Nancy Switzer visited EMI and I was pleased to show them around the office. For me it was good to see a familiar face and hear a little from home, and I think they were impressed with EMI. Van is a non-practicing Civil Engineer and may be interested in participating in some trips sometime.

I'm still looking for something to do after May. Don't let my use of the word "still" make you think I'm complaining--I've only been looking for a couple of weeks and my confidence in God's plan is yet unshaken. My positive experience with the US Army in Afghanistan has opened a door that I previously ignored, a door which led to the Army Corps of Engineers. I always knew, somewhere in the back of my head, that they hire civilians as engineers and operate in some ways like any commercial firm, but always wrote them off for one reason or another, most recently my unwillingness to support any efforts that may induce or implement violence as means to a greater end. I still think there are creative solutions, often beyond the imaginations of mere mortal men, that can resolve any conflict without any damage to life or Earth, and I still think it would be nifty to be able to pursue those solutions. But for now, I need to do something, and I want it to be productive, and domestic USACE work vaguely fits both categories, perhaps better than most corporations to which I find myself applying. As long as I don't have to design a pipeline that transports mustard gas, agent orange, or petroleum, I think I'll be able to put up with a federal job for a time. If it comes to that.

If nothing else comes along, then Phil: can I live in your car(s?) for a little while? I might only need a place until my FE results come back. Also, I'll help you weld stuff onto your roofrack or whatever. Thanks.

What the What?

The Provincial Reconstruction Team (PRT) in charge of Nangarhar Province wherein our community center project is to be located just authorized full funding for both the construction of the entire site and three years of program. Obviously, this is an amazing, border-line miraculous turn of events. I came into EMI believing projects would take months to design and perhaps years to construct. I certainly didn't expect to see the fruits of my labors during my short stint here. I cannot fathom the number and complexity of the divine appointments involved in having this project move ahead so quickly. Furthermore, just about every PRT in Afghanistan is interested in the concept and will be watching our project, looking for future funding ventures.

The ministry and the PRT are now looking for someone to live in Afghanistan for between 6 and 12 months to oversee construction. I have minimal background in construction management--I took one class in college--but this seems like an awesome opportunity to continue the work God started ever so long ago, and I am seriously considering volunteering. I don't know the specifics of how the job would work, or what qualifications I should have, but at this point I am intimately familiar with the project and could certainly offer onsite design feedback. One thing I anticipate for whomever manages this project is that, as more and more groups become interested in and supporting of the community center concept, this job may extend into potential perpetuity as some people expect around 1000 centers to be built.

As this is the only opportunity that has been revealed to me so far, I would greatly appreciate any prayers on my behalf for guidance through this process. I previously stated I didn't feel called specifically back to Central Asia, and even if I find myself there for several more months or even years, I still don't think it is my final work.

Another thing: a fellow Pacific Christian Fellowship student contacted me yesterday to ask me about what I was doing with EMI and, more specifically, how I felt led into this ministry. He wants to apply some of the lessons the group is learning to real life by connecting with a kingdom worker with whom the students may relate. I am excited about getting other students to consider how they can give their lives back to God, and sharing my few experiences of how God has given me life back again more abundantly than before.

As I continue to assess my options for ministry after EMI, I fear I may need to find a paying job to fund this semester's and future expenses. Even more, I fear I will be blinded and deafened by financial constraints that I won't be able to hear God's calling, be that into another support-driven ministry or again into commercial engineering or something entirely different. I don't want money to drive my decisions, but accept that it may be a medium through which God speaks. It's complicated. I wanted it to be simple. Too bad I can't live off theology.

Toodles, friends!

Pictures from India

My fellow EMI intern in India, Harry, posted some pictures from my visit at his Flickr page:
Harry's Flickr
Check out the Kempty Falls and Touring Mussoorie albums. He also has some terrific albums showing off some of the beautiful sights around the office in which you may be interested.

Here's What Happened

I'm back.

After leaving Kabul, the three of us flew to Delhi, spent a day exploring some Indian ruins, and took a six-hour train ride to Derha-Dun, then taxied up a couple thousand feet to Musoorie to see some fellow EMI staff and interns. Musoorie is located in the Himelayan foothills, as best I can tell, and the place is gorgeous! The climate and vegetation is similar to the coast range mountains of California, near Santa Cruz, but picture Scott's Valley with the vertical relief exagerated 2-3 times; it seriously felt like Mission Springs grew up into a sprawling mountain city. And all the Swedes moved away. The steep slopes and lush, evergreen vegetation made for breathtaking views in all directions, and contrasted starkly with the dry, barren landscapes in Afghanistan. I don't mean to discredit the beauty of the Hindu Kush mountains around Kabul and Jegdalek, but in that place, I felt more at ease, more at home than I did anywhere in Afghanistan. I did not even realize the degree to which I felt trapped in the compounds and around the convoys until I was released into the relative freedom of this serene Indian town.

I spent nearly a week in India and got reacquainted with some interns I met at orientation, which was quite nice. I stayed in their house at night and hiked up to Oaklands, at the top of one of the highest hills in Musoorie, to work on our Afghanistan project and drink chai. Unfortunately, I didn't like Indian chai more than Afghan chai, and nothing compares to Kenyan chai.

For the weekend at EMI2, the interns originally planned to take a train to Agra to visit the Taj Mahal, but when that didn't work out, we were able to visit two places around Musoorie: Happy Valley and Kempty Falls. Intern roll-call: Me (Rob/Andrew), Edwin, Harry, Ko, Matt.

Happy Valley is a Tibetan refugee camp, though the name is a bit deceptive. The refugee camp is fully developed, with multi-level residences, a library, and a Buddhist temple. We visited a little garden in the valley, enjoyed some bonsai and some bon chai, and took a paddle boat ride on the side of the mountian. It was a strangely spectacular place to float.

Then we went to Kempty Falls, and Kempty Lake, the largest lake in Musoorie! The best way to describe the lake is as a swimming pool, slightly larger than Olympic, with paddle boats. I can't believe they get away with calling it a lake. It has a concrete shell. Partway down the cascades, there was some construction taking place. Someone was building a pool or some kind of reservoir. An interesting thing about Indian construction (common among most non-American countries, I believe) is that there's no such thing as restricted access. We were able to just walk onto the mostly set concrete, play with the loose rebar, and take pictures inside the metal cage. Eventually, we found there to be two such construction sites, one at the falls' midlevel, and one at the bottom. The upper site was near completion, and there were no workers around. At the bottom, however, men were tying rebar and pouring concrete, and visitors were walking wherever they pleased. In both locations, the water continued to flow underneath the work in either pipes or just covered ditches, I couldn't tell.

We left India with more good memories and comments from a great design review with the EMI2 staff. I slept a little on the rides back to Colorado Springs and am ready to finish this project.

Quick thought: I wonder how many places in the world are almost called Missouri; there's the afformentioned US State, there's Mussoorie in India, and there's Mazar-e Sharif in Afghanistan. Can you name any more?

Roads Paved with Kabul

So it's my last day in Afghanistan and I have to wonder: am I coming back here ever again? There seems to be a peculiar strain of SARS indigenous to this area that affects primarily expatriot aid workers; the principle symptom of this disease, described as Severe Afghanistan Return Syndrom, is a burning desire to come back. Although I have certainly enjoyed my time here, I don't think I've contracted the ailment. Unfortunately for me, when I contemplate where God is leading me, I don't feel called to this or any other particular location--rather, I currently operate under the impression that my calling is to everywhere. I think God is somehow going to use this empty vessel of a body to serve and change all people. That sounds rather outlandish, and I don't doubt the possibility that I'm wrong, but until the Lord communicates otherwise, I think it's a fair assessment that will keep me motivated to pursue Him, looking forward to the day He uses this life to His Glory.

I also look forward to the day that I no longer say that I have no self but that given me through Christ, but live it out in truth. I mean to say that I ernestly want to stop living my life and start living His, and I want to stop talking about it. I am actually a little disgusted by my impression of God's calling in my life. It's fine if He is going to use me in a big way--that is of course His disgression--but the fact that I want him to make me great is somewhat perturbing. I don't like that I think if I can die to myself and Jesus takes up residence in my life, I'll be some great saint, remembered for generations as a deeply spiritual man, the of a Christ-like life. I think once I do surrender my self completely, such thoughts won't pass through this head I've been given.

I got a grey shalwar kamees, a common traditional outfit in Afghanistan, and a black blanket to wear like a jacket. I like them. It scares me.

Yesterday a large group of us from the ministry, along with a substantial military and governmental convoy traveled to Jedalek for the grand opening of the communications building for the community center already started. The building is a reconstruction of another building ed out by the Taliban years ago and now holds many computers for use by the 50 or so surrounding villages. The hope is to teach the people how to participate in the new Afghanistan and learn about the world around them. Eventually, there will be a satalite Internet uplink so that they, like us, can browse Wikipedia and various news sites at will to gain a broader perspective on their world.

I believe this is a crucial step in building a self-sufficient country that will never again bend to the whim and wishes of foreign influencers, i.e. Paki and Iranian fundamentalists, Russian and British colonialists, and American security mongers. I see a beautiful future for an independant Afghanistan, a redeemed culture and land living in cooperative unity and aggressive peace. Many other NGO workers see the same. The problem, so it seems, is that Afghans only see themselves as victims. They think their future is whatever the West decides for them, even to the point that they think America decides their President. Although they themselves vote in large numbers, they don't seem to understand the concept. Tribalism has existed for so long, it will take quite a bit of time to foster the spirit of Democracy into them. It may take even more time for them to give up their generations-old disputes among those tribes.

There is so much work to do here; there is such a long way to go. Fortunately, I don't believe it is our work to do. We, the church, can bring this country Him who redeems and He will take it from there. When we don't try to expand our scope of work beyond our calling, life becomes very simple and even easy. Whatever we do, provided what we do is the Will of God, is blessed and empowered by Him, and I find that very relieving and exciting.

I once thought I should get involved in the sustainable movement or revolution or whatever you care to call it. I took a class entitled Sustainable Engineering and it made me want to be the most sustainable civil engineer ever. I eventually realized more people were already onboard with the movement than could be effectively silenced--the world is inevitably moving toward sustainable technology. At that time, I figured there was no longer a place for me in this movement. Though I could bring God's Will into Man's plan for redemption of his land and his technology, even though I continue to see the place for such a voice, I don't think I am called to be that guy. Now, as I wonder if I'll ever return to this curious country, I again contemplate my calling, and I believe this is not where God wishes to place me. There is much work to do here, and I could surely be of use, but there is something else out there for me. This may be a selfishness ing inside me, fighting to make a name for itself and be recognised for its work, to find a field in which I can be great, or it may in fact be God telling me there is something else in store and I should wait patiently for it to be revealed. Time will tell.

My dear readers, thank you for your support! I have no way of knowing who you all are or whether you actually read these rants, but the possibility that you are out there, somewhere, in cyberspace is greatly encouraging. May the fullness of God's blessings be extended, but not limited, to you.

This is Going to Hurt

The other day (Friday, if you must know; I doubt you did, but there you go), we were having a little church service here in the team house, discussing who had been our spiritual mentors throughout our lives, and whether or not they knew who they were. All of a sudden, I was hit by the most peculiar and inconvenient feelings I had felt in a good, long while. I think I started missing people (Intersect, this means you; especially Kaben). And that got me to thinking that maybe, just maybe, I was in fact being changed through the Holy Spirit. You see, as I mentioned, it has been a long time since I've felt a feeling of longing toward someone I hadn't seen in a while. Over my years of life, I think I've become quite cold, emotionally, and at some time stopped regretting leaving people behind, or being left behind as others moved on. I have tended to accept the realities of life: that people move away and relationships are transitional. It, therefore, wasn't particularly hard when college friends, for instance, moved away from Stockton.

Eventually, I was able to reconcile the realization of my numbness with my belief that there is no "goodbye"-- only "see you later," accepting the possibility that "later" may be the joyous reunion of saints and savior. I considered this impartiality to the flow of life to be a strength, a gift from God to help me serve Him wholly. But the wild new possibility of missing people presents a minor dilemma: as long as I am called away from those I love, I will always serve in bittersweet discontent. Not a discontent in my present condition--I think God truly has given me a gift for being content in most (probably not yet all) circumstances--but an unrest as I reminisce about the old friends and thirst ever more for the eternally consistent love of the Father. In case you were thinking I might consider my newfound heart a detriment in my prospective life of ministry, I consider the contrary to be the more plausible truth. If I am being taught to love in truth, then I am glad for the path I walk with my Lord as my guide, even if--especially if--pain will accompany it.

One reason I was excited to come to this part of the world was so that I might be considered "worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name" (Acts 5:41) of Christ. I was excited about the possibility of enduring physical pain and spiritual hardship in this land, think it would somehow prove to myself that I am a friend of the Almighty God. Three weeks in, I've felt nothing of what I expected, even for which I hoped. This is the first indication that there might be some other kind of suffering in store for this servant's decaying body, and I will rejoice in it as Christ tends my wounds and holds me closely. I'm beginning to realize that this life is going to hurt tremendously more than I can endure. I'm glad I'm not alone, and I'm looking forward to it.

To everyone I've ever loved: if I don't yet miss you, I believe I soon will. Already, I am sorry that I haven't.

To everyone to whom I never adequately expressed my love (i.e. to everyone): I am sorry. I've got someone working on it. He's really good.

Arm Me!

I've got some exciting news and would like to excite you with it.

Our project team left about a week ago and Scott, Laura, and I have basically been bumming around the country, checking out some new provinces and meeting with old friends (theirs, not mine). It turns out, people in the Army tend to know how to get things done, and are backed by means to make any NGO with which I might interact salivate or even start gnawing on their own fingernails.

Scott and three big wigs from the ministry went to an army base near our project site, proceeded by a letter of introduction from one of Scott's buddies to some leader in the Provincial Reconstruction Team (PRC; French?), someone with access to the means I was just talking about. Armed with the designs created by our team during our two days between site visit and presentation, a slide show Scott and I cobbled together, and a whole lot of charisma, these guys apparently really impressed the commander. So much so that our blessed United States will probably be contributing an enormous percentage of the total funds required not just for construction, but maybe even the programs. This is a major win for the ministry, as fundraising had not begun yet, but more importantly it's a clear victory for the Kingdom. God has plainly been working all over this land, paving the way for His servants. The PRC informed my comrades that they had been looking to do something similar in concept to our Community Center in the exact area we have acquired land and blessing from the local village.

Although I believe God has more in store for us here, we are blessed with a bountiful harvest of fruit planted long ago, and at least one of His purposes for our extended stay has been revealed. Scott, because of his military friendships, has endowed the ministry with invaluable contacts. I have had the joy of seeing the work I've been doing on committing the designs to computer contribute to a major step in project implementation. Additionally, Laura, who had only a vague sense of what she would be doing here, has been edifying the ministry with her knowledge of and skills in member care and counseling.

It is truly splendid to live in God's calling both in action and in location.

AfghSE

This is my first post from the Stans ever. In honor of this remarkable occasion, I'd like to make some remarks about the experiences of the EMI Team to Afghanistan as I saw them. If you'd like, go ahead and call it a special edition.

Well, we flew here from the COS, to Houston, to Newark, to Delhi, and finally to Kabul. This trip was not as gruelling as I might have expected it to. I was able to sleep quite cosily for well over half of the trans-Atlantic flight and didn't seem to have any struggle slipping into this time-zone. The timezone here, by the way, is UTC+4:30. Whoever came up with half time-zones ought to be dealt with harshly. I hope he loses a low-stakes poker match or something. Anyway, I didn't notice any jetlag and enjoyed the first few days here very much. Apparently, there was a ing a day after we arrived (I heard varying reports of 6-8 ers). Whatever. The effects on us were minimal. We visited some of the previous project sites, got a feel for what was going on and how to improve it, and what components of the community centers can be replicated with reckless abandon all over the countryside.

After two days of splendid freedom, we were stranded for three days in our house as snow burried Kabul in beautiful sugary snow, transforming the barren dusty-colored landscape into a veritable winter worderland to contend with anything I've seen in print or actuallity out of the Americas. We've got the Hindu Kush out here. I dare you to find something comparable. Unfortunately, my bliss is anothers' incovenience. One of our team members who missed the flight out of Newark by mere minutes was trapped in the loveable smog and congestion of Delhi for the duration of the storm. Apparently, snow happens infrequently enough that the local airport doesn't have radar or guidance systems for planes arriving or departing in anything but perfect weather. Military bases might be better equipped. Might.

The storm subsided and our team auto-assembled to completion. We set out to our project area and encountered a totally new kind of beauty in surroundings. Along the way, we stopped by another community center in Jegdalek, on the eastern edge of Kabol Province. It seriously looks and feels like the moon. Not that I have been to the surface of the moon. I'm just saying, what I expect I would see, were I ever to visit our great celestial companion, I now would be likely reminded of Jegdalek. Perhaps someday I'll figure out how to post pictures. But our project site is in Nangahar Province. Nangahar is lush and green like nothing I would have expected in Afghanistan. We were welcomed by a village of Pashtuns and enjoyed all the comfort and security the tribe could throw at us, which is quite substantial, indeed. For two days and three nights, we lived like kings, feasting on significantly more fresh meat, produce, and nan than we could handle. And the chai. Kaben, you should come here and try the chai. I mean it doesn't compare to Kenyan, but it's pretty good.

At the project site, my job was primarily to survey. And that's what I did. I read that theodolite look-alike construction transit top to bottom, then started again at the top and read it again. Many many times. The point I'm trying to get across is that we took a lot of geospacial data from that place and I eventually got it all in a compybox so that I could draw pretty curvy lines to print on paper so the smart mister architect could see where he wanted to put his nifty buildings. But the real point I'm trying to get across is that the place was gorgeous. Imagine the biggest snowcapped mountians you can imagine, then imagine them stopping for a couple dozen kilometers, and starting again. Remember that they're snowcapped. Now, in between, instead of the vacuous space I know you were picturing, picture a fertile valley with flowing rivers and endless ditches for irrigation. Along with the agriculture, imagine an agrisociety (word?) all living together in large walled villages of mud houses with thatch roofs supported intermittently by W-Section (I-Beam) girders and poplar posts. Got all that? Now imagine people. All ages of people (up to about 60), all wearing drab shades of brown, all smiling until the instant you whip out your camera (I say your camera because I left my digicam at home). Keeping up? Feel free to reread at your leisure (English?). No one's watching. Now, forget about all the women you were imagining because, if you, like us, were male, you didn't see any of them. Plus, I think they wear brighter colors. But the point is that I didn't see any females over about 8 years old at all. It was bizarro.

We met with the elders of the tribe who, I believe, sincerely want to see an end to the inter-tribal , and especially the Taliban-supported ism in their province. Apparently, this group of Afghans does a terrific job at identifying and apprehending threats to the peace. They told us that in the previous week, they shot and killed three (I believe?) insurgents in the surrounding (did I mention gorgeous?) mountians. You might argue that and ists doesn't sound too similar to creating peace. I would definitely agree with you. Forget it, let's move on. The elders believe that this community center, with an education center and a basic care medical clinic, will help the whole region learn better ways of life that can put an end to and limit disease. We believe some of the agricultural and sanitary demonstrations we plan can improve the health and well-being of the tribe. Everyone agrees that the community center project is going to be a tremendous blessing to all the people of this Pashto tribe.

We left with spirits high and bellies full, stopping on the way back to Kabul to take pictures of the rolling hills of wheat and stationary wheels of tanks. Then a lot of boring design stuff happened and we presented to the staff of the ministry who invited us, after which one Afghan staff member observed (commanded?) "This presentation is over." Time elapsed and we visited a couple of military bases, to meet two of my team leader Scott's old army friends. Both soldiers seemed eager and able to help the ministry with all the power and strength that are the United States Army and Coalition Forces. I don't know what ism is thinking. These guys are loaded in all (both?) possible meanings of the term. So, in all, I think we've been a blessing to the ministry, through our service in design and Scott's strategic relationships with some important guys in green, again in all possible meanings of the term.

This Stan is great. Make me make you listen to me tell you about it sometime.

What I Do

In case you've been wondering what I actually do at EMI, here's a brief overview of the last couple of weeks at work.

I live in a house with a host family named the Mulhollands high on a hill near the middle of the city. From where my car is parked, I can see Pike's Peak and all the surrounding mountians. Some days, the mountains are covered in snow, but lately it's been melting all the way up Pike. To the south, I can also see the menacing array of antennae sprouting out of NORAD's main base. As I pull out of the driveway, I often notice the Airforce Chapel far to the northwest. Another intern, Danny, also lives in the house. He, I, and two to three other interns carpool together to the office downtown, about 15 minutes away.

Every morning at work begins with either a quick prayer session and devotional or a staff meeting. Fridays have an added bonus of about an hour of worshipping together with music and singing. Once we get started on project work, I do anything from compiling trip packets to send out to the volunteers who will join us in Central Asia, preparing water quality test kits to be used on future project trips, or drafting architectural plans on a computer for one of my trip leader's previous projects. Although nothing I've done has had particular difficulty or required me to dig deeply into my Engineering education, there is tremendous satisfaction that comes with recognizing that everything I am doing there is specifically aimed at serving the kingdom spread throughout the world, and, because I am convinced God called me here, I am doing exactly what I should be doing.

In fact, the knowledge that I am living out my calling makes some daily frustrations quite easily dealt with. During orientation, there were some times when a previous iteration of my self would have become agitated by the banality of the activities. I was feeling a little sick that week--I attribute my symptoms to becoming aclimated to the new altitude and temperature more than any present pathogens--but still merrily hiked with the rest of those becoming oriented to the organization. We spent a significant amount of time that week learning about our characters through written tests that then present us with statistical, sometimes horoscopic analyses of our personalities and spritual gifts. When I had undergone similar testing in highschool, I bitterly disagreed with such uses of time, but this time I went into the entire experience as a part of me becoming prepared to lead a life of ministry, and found that in knowing how to describe myself, I may become better able to find a way to become more like my Lord.

Every Tuesday, our office has an unofficial "Try a New Restaurant Tuesday" (TANR). This last Tuesday, several of the interns, myself included, went to Denny's for free Grandslams. As a side note, I hypothesize that that event was a government-sponsored meal distribution and morale-raising scheme. Either that or a method of distributing a biological agent meant to keep whatever class finds waiting an hour in line for free food worth their time dependant on the government for their wellbeing (i.e. a vaccine or antidote), thus minimizing the likelihood of a successful revolution (people in places of power may be considering this an eminent threat, given the current economic state). In any case, it was good food, and I'm more interested in showing people a better way to live than forcing such a life upon them through legislation.

I try to drink a lot of cocoa, though I accidentally purchased a canister of the fat-free kind. It tastes aweful, so I'm more and more often resorting to EMI's reserves of powdered cider and freshly brewed coffee. Unfortunately, I have yet to discover the Colorado equivalent to WinCo, and my grocery budget is feeling it. I haven't even tried to find fair-trade cocoa, knowing that my income for the next three months may very well be whatever I can squeeze out of my savings account.

On Wednesdays, the interns have their own Bible study; we're doing a book study on Ephesians. So far, we've concluded that the Gentiles are, indeed, supposed to be united to the Jews, and the Jewish followers should be more encouraging to their new bretheren. I think I may be able to put some of this unity into practice as I venture into deep into the Muslim world. Muslims know our God, but their picture of Him is incomplete and oftentimes based more on tradition than on their Holy scriptures. I hope I can treat them lovingly, as lost brothers and sisters who need guidance back to the God they already try so hard to serve. Such a mission will require a special measure of grace and understanding, as I aim to direct them to God, not my heavily Westernized version of Him.

After work, we all carpool back home and sometimes regroup for a nighttime activity. Sometimes this may be dinner and board games, other times we may watch a movie at the $1.50 theatre in town ($0.75 on Tuesdays!). Though I am trying to ween myself off technology-dependant entertainment, relationshiping is still facilitated through high-tech means. I am willing to enjoy a movie or television show with people in order to enjoy communal emotions and the opportunities to chat about the show later on.

So work here is different from anywhere I've ever been before. It's an unusual blend of Christ-centered worship and kingdom-centered activity. I thouroughly enjoy it and recommend it to anyone willing to go without a paycheck for half a year.

Life As Mission

Or vis-versa.

I continue to ponder the implications of a life fully devoted to the cause of Christ. How would he go about routine business? Or would he even partake in what I would consider to be routine? Would he post blogs?

Another question: how do I go about challenging peoples' perceptions of what the Body of Christ should look like without shaking their fundamental faiths? Is it worth allowing and recruiting luke-warm Christians if they are not living out their salvation daily? This, rightly or wrongly, is basically what I think the American church excells at, beyond any other sacrament. It seems to me that we have sufficiently distilled the gospel to this: God loves you. If you believe this, you can continue on your Western way and look forward to streets of gold after you die a most certainly unnaturally late death.

One way I currently want to play out my ambivalence toward life or death, earthly ministry or eternal worship in Glory, is to not attempt to add years to my life through artificial or synthetic means. I have no clue what this means as to medication, disease treatment and surgery, and even insurance. But the simplicity of a life lived in faith that God will keep me here as long as He has work for me to do is quite enticing. To keep from alarming any of my beloved readers, I do not mean to say that I am or ever will be a thrill-seeker in the typical sense. For a while, I enjoyed free-runnning/Parkour and other mildly adventurous activities, but I think I've been warned by God that these are not the works for which He created me. I've been injured enough to realize that I cannot be careless about my body if I am to serve and honor my maker.

Nutrition. As an EMI intern, I am allowed to receive up to $900/month for personal expenses (food, rent, gasoline, entertainment), but since I remain significantly under-supported, I find myself digging deep into my savings from my previous job. As such, I am once again brought to subsist on meager rations. I find myself ill-equipped to take care of my body while choosing to follow Christ into poverty. Maybe this is something I am to learn from this semester and use throughout my life, but at present I am at a loss.

It seems like there are no churches in Colorado Springs with fewer than 3000 members, which is quite troubling to me when my ideal church has no walls, no alter, no steeple; only the joy in the peoples' hearts and the love they share to signify their unity as a single unit of the Bride of Christ. It may be that, as I have been seeking, this may be a total mission phase of my life, where church itself becomes a component of God's ministry through me. Maybe He just wants me to discover that He is present in the large places, along with the small. I'll let you know how it goes.

Two other interns and I are leading worship for eMi this Friday. We'll be practicing tomorrow (Thursday) morning at 7:30. For those of you who don't know me at all, I abhor mornings. Anything before noon, for me, is dead time. I wish I were sleeping. But it's okay, I get to wake up and praise Jesus, so I can't complain. I and one more intern will be playing guitar, and the third will play piano. I think we'll all sing. It'll be fun! I only wish I had a mandolin.

I got four immunization injections today. My arms are sore. I think I'll go take a nap.

Toodles!
Androbeda

Gentleness, Peace, Love

Hello Cyberfriends!

I've worked one week for this company and have no complaints. I reiterate my satisfaction in the staff and intern team at EMI.

Last week was a good one. After a couple of days of orientation specific to our office and a quick brush-up on AutoCAD standards, we, the interns, were given the delightful task of completing a scavenger hunt around the Colorado Springs downtown area. My fellow intern Sarah and I were teamed up and set our sights on victory by way of Google Maps. Along our joyful way, we got to pose as Y, M, C, and A in front of an actual YMCA with some local children on their way to, possibly, swimming lessons, or perhaps basketball try-outs, or maybe even a rhythmic dance contest. The point is, children are fun to be around. We also met a man named Frank who, I believe, is in charge of a Catholic ministry called The Marian House. At the end of the night's hunt, we met a man named Rick who showed us a fun magic trick which taught us that a penny is a dime in the right hands, and that all a homeless man needs to get off the street is about a hundred billion dollars. He graciously offered to let us read his Bible to him; we gladly accepted, and proceeded to read through a section in John chapter 6. After a brief discussion, it was clear that, though he had reportedly read through the entire Bible several times (he had that particular copy for 25 years), he understood very little of it. Indeed, he seemed to love more the book and words than Him to whom the text pointed. We attempted to communicate the importance of the words, but his thoughts seemed well-grounded in the reality of the physical.

After delivering to him a ham and cheese sandwich from a nearby Subway and meeting several of his friends from "camp", he allowed us to read some more from the same chapter. Verse 35: "then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." This passage reminded me of Isaiah 55 (thanks to Kaben), so I turned to Isaiah and shared with Rick further insights on heavenly sustenance. "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul may live." (Both passages from NIV. Not sorry.) After trying to explain the difference between soul food (not traditional Southern cookin') and what I unwisely called "material" food, Rick became obsessed with understanding what I meant by "material food" and I eventually had to abort the discussion. by this time we had called the hunt's organizer, my project leader, Scott, to let him know we likely would not be returning, and had missed the deadline by several quarters of an hour. Abandoning hope of bringing this man to understanding of this small section of the Word, we conversed in casual conversation with Rick and his two friends, Mike and "Snake-Man".

My journal from earlier that morning: "22-Jan-2009 Jesus, I love you--show me how to love as you love your children." This had been a recurring prayer all week, and continues to be one of my sub-vocal goals, though I have since appended to it a cry for discernment of His Will. I think I can happily report that God is answering this quiet prayer, if slowly. As I once had as my Facebook status, "Robert Hansen has a long, long way to go."

On the topic of losing the scavenger hunt, I have been considering the concept of losing for the sake of victory. Jesus famously became death to conquer it. I wonder what other ways of intentionally losing might bring overall success. This idea fits nicely with the recent bought of pacifism brought into my life by some of Shane Clayborne's writing. I am tempted by the thought of surrendering to Christ so fully that I am willing to lay down my life not necessarily to death, but to sacrificial servitude to my fellow humanity. I am tempted toward an absolute pacifism that will never strike back at any violence, or even threaten to do so. Is this not how Jesus intended us to turn our faces and accept any blows inflicted on us for the sake of our Hope? Is this perhaps the kind of radical love that got our Lord and Savior crucified in the most horrific way? I believe the Spirit is working in me to "sensitize" me to violence, especially in videos and video games, to renew in me a gentleness that only can come with innocence and a love that can know no evil.

Another temptation: I think it would pretty nifty if I didn't have to live my life anymore, but allowed Christ to live so completely in me that my selfish, worldly desires play no part in my actions, outward or inward. I've been me long enough to realize that I am not who I want to be. Instead, I seek to surrender my will, mind, and body to the cause of Christ, who's plans are indeed perfect. I, for one, am excited about the possibility of full surrender and seeing what God chooses to do with this resurrected man.

I just finished a book about a Christian relief worker, John Weaver, who was working in Afghanistan up to and after 9/11. On the whole, I agree with his intentions and really appreciate his faith. John Weaver writes about his experience during the war between the Northern Alliance and the Taliban in Inside Afghanistan, "My real concern was not for myself. I fully trusted in God's protection, and I thought I would have enough warning to leave in a hurry if the front lines collapsed. naturally, I didn't want to die, but I had accepted the fact long before that God sometimes allows his servants to suffer and die. I worried , instead, about my Afghan coworkers and local friends." I think Weaver's attitude toward God's provision and the world's insecurity is dead on. I also have been contemplating security for a couple of months and recently concluded, contrary to my former belief, that it is okay to seek security, though not in our own inventions. Any system that humans set up is quite corruptible by any number of means, and placing any faith in such contraptions will not only set us up for disaster, but turn our gaze away from the only One who can offer true security, the only one to whom we should look for security. I think it is also important to be clear that by security I do not mean the protection of life and property, but rather the protection of Eternal Life, which we should all value much more. If I were to expound upon this idea, you would likely here my rattle on and on about one having no physical property to secure and doing no action outside of love such that one's present life is not jeopardized by falling out of God's Will.

I persist in looking forward to my project trip to Central Asia primarily for the opportunity to love people of so different a culture. My prayer is that God continues to bless me with the richness of His infinite love, that I may allow that love to flow through me into the lives around me. Again, I am a novice at this--I have suffered introversion and social awkwardness for too long (one of the many reasons I wish to die to myself and allow Christ to live through me, along with my fascination with zombie movies) to claim any proficiency in the art. But I have hope that this trip is a major component in my training.

If anyone is wondering why I now go by my middle name, Andrew (or if anyone is wondering if I now go by my middle name, Andrew), it is at least partly because of the collection of books by Orson Scott Card referred to as Ender's Series. In this series, one of my favorite themes is that the main character, who is nicknamed Ender early in life and later goes by Andrew (that's why), is praised for saving the human race from the only discovered sentient race of aliens, the insect-like Formics (yes, Sci-Fi). He manages this feat by learning to love the "buggers" so that he can understand them, then use that understanding to destroy them. Ender is unaware that humanity is using his unique gifting as a weapon--he thinks he is playing a game--but lives the rest of his life (3000+ years due to near-light speed travel and the effects of time dilation) in remorseful servitude to all life (eventually discovered to include three total sentient species). Instead of using love as a weapon, Andrew revises his methods to love again as a means of understanding, but then understanding so that he can help. So I am having people call me Andrew in part because I want to discover how I can love people to the end of assistance. Don't feel obligated to call me anything other that "Rob," especially if that is how you are accostumed to getting my attention, but it is fun to get a new name from time to time.

To the matter of finances: I am fully confident for the first time that I am not only doing what God wills (I think I've pulled that off once or twice in my life), but am also where He has called me. For this reason, I have no qualms in placing my fullest faith in His provision, and that of His Body. As of right now, I am a little over four thousand dollars short of what I require by the end of this semester, and as such had a little wrestling match with God on a good three hour walk around town. The weather was quite nice. At the beginning of the walk, it was clear that I was not trusting as fully as I should. Namely, I was worrying about the time after this internship, fearing I might have to get a real job in industry and so not be able to serve Him with my whole being. During the course of the walk, I realized, as I should have known intrinsically, that, if God chose to place me in the type of workplace I nearly have come to dread, I would be able to minister as fully as if I were working for a nominal Christian ministry. Additionally, though I cannot imagine where He might take me in four months, I should be excited to find out and trust that, as my faith grows, He will reward me with the opportunities to serve him in fulfilling and fruitful ways. To the point, I wish to rely on you, my dear readers, to be in prayer for me, that God would indeed provide all the monetary provisions required to complete this task to which He has most assuredly called me, and would illuminate the path that leads to whatever He has already decided to be next. Incidentally, I think I would prefer your prayers in this matter, as opposed to your financial contributions, because I think it would be awesome to see God work in tremendously mysterious ways. Also, if you have any tips on alternative methods of fundraising, I would greatly appreciate hearing about them because I am just about out of ideas.

It's been a long blog. Thank you for paying so much attention. Good night and rest in God's peace.

Orientation

Greetings, friends!

It is a blustery Monday and my first day in the EMI office in sunny downtown Colorado Springs, though today is technically a day off. I'm here anyway to blog and make sure that the Internet is still online.

We just finished an intense week of orientation and training where I got to meet all the interns, staff, and long-term volunteers for Engineering Ministries International, as well as some of the full time ministers in the Colorado Springs office. During this week, we learned about EMI's mission in the world and how we (interns, specifically) fit into this plan. I was greatly encouraged by the degree to which the staff is focused on Christ as their cause, and by the hearts of my fellow interns. It is amazing to see how the Spirit appears to be working in similar ways all over America.

I also learned a little about my project trip to Afghanistan, and met my project leader Scott Powell, and his wife, Laura. I will be departing the States on February 10th and arriving in India, then crossing the border into Pakistan and on to Afghanistan. The project portion of our trip will last two weeks, likely consisting of surveying the site and interacting with the local inhabitants for whom we will be designing a community center. Then, Scott and I will travel with our hosts for a couple more weeks, scoping out potential future projects in Afghanistan. on our way back, Scott, Laura and I will return to India to greet EMI's India Office, and finally return to USA five weeks after leaving.

I was delighted to learn that I had the option of staying beyond the project trip duration and accepted gladly. I believe that God will use the extra time I spend overseas to train me for whatever He has planned for my future, namely in cross-cultural interactions and adaptation to new environments.

The weather here in Colorado Springs is quite manageable. I made do last week with what I packed before roadtripping here with my former roommate, Kaben, which did not include much in the way of heavy winter clothing. It snowed one day, but I did not suffer uncomfortable cold.

Thanks for reading! I will be praying that you be edified by this blog and that you will strive wholeheartedly to love God who has endowed us with untold Grace. Farewell!