Or vis-versa.
I continue to ponder the implications of a life fully devoted to the cause of Christ. How would he go about routine business? Or would he even partake in what I would consider to be routine? Would he post blogs?
Another question: how do I go about challenging peoples' perceptions of what the Body of Christ should look like without shaking their fundamental faiths? Is it worth allowing and recruiting luke-warm Christians if they are not living out their salvation daily? This, rightly or wrongly, is basically what I think the American church excells at, beyond any other sacrament. It seems to me that we have sufficiently distilled the gospel to this: God loves you. If you believe this, you can continue on your Western way and look forward to streets of gold after you die a most certainly unnaturally late death.
One way I currently want to play out my ambivalence toward life or death, earthly ministry or eternal worship in Glory, is to not attempt to add years to my life through artificial or synthetic means. I have no clue what this means as to medication, disease treatment and surgery, and even insurance. But the simplicity of a life lived in faith that God will keep me here as long as He has work for me to do is quite enticing. To keep from alarming any of my beloved readers, I do not mean to say that I am or ever will be a thrill-seeker in the typical sense. For a while, I enjoyed free-runnning/Parkour and other mildly adventurous activities, but I think I've been warned by God that these are not the works for which He created me. I've been injured enough to realize that I cannot be careless about my body if I am to serve and honor my maker.
Nutrition. As an EMI intern, I am allowed to receive up to $900/month for personal expenses (food, rent, gasoline, entertainment), but since I remain significantly under-supported, I find myself digging deep into my savings from my previous job. As such, I am once again brought to subsist on meager rations. I find myself ill-equipped to take care of my body while choosing to follow Christ into poverty. Maybe this is something I am to learn from this semester and use throughout my life, but at present I am at a loss.
It seems like there are no churches in Colorado Springs with fewer than 3000 members, which is quite troubling to me when my ideal church has no walls, no alter, no steeple; only the joy in the peoples' hearts and the love they share to signify their unity as a single unit of the Bride of Christ. It may be that, as I have been seeking, this may be a total mission phase of my life, where church itself becomes a component of God's ministry through me. Maybe He just wants me to discover that He is present in the large places, along with the small. I'll let you know how it goes.
Two other interns and I are leading worship for eMi this Friday. We'll be practicing tomorrow (Thursday) morning at 7:30. For those of you who don't know me at all, I abhor mornings. Anything before noon, for me, is dead time. I wish I were sleeping. But it's okay, I get to wake up and praise Jesus, so I can't complain. I and one more intern will be playing guitar, and the third will play piano. I think we'll all sing. It'll be fun! I only wish I had a mandolin.
I got four immunization injections today. My arms are sore. I think I'll go take a nap.
Toodles!
Androbeda
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Gentleness, Peace, Love
Hello Cyberfriends!
I've worked one week for this company and have no complaints. I reiterate my satisfaction in the staff and intern team at EMI.
Last week was a good one. After a couple of days of orientation specific to our office and a quick brush-up on AutoCAD standards, we, the interns, were given the delightful task of completing a scavenger hunt around the Colorado Springs downtown area. My fellow intern Sarah and I were teamed up and set our sights on victory by way of Google Maps. Along our joyful way, we got to pose as Y, M, C, and A in front of an actual YMCA with some local children on their way to, possibly, swimming lessons, or perhaps basketball try-outs, or maybe even a rhythmic dance contest. The point is, children are fun to be around. We also met a man named Frank who, I believe, is in charge of a Catholic ministry called The Marian House. At the end of the night's hunt, we met a man named Rick who showed us a fun magic trick which taught us that a penny is a dime in the right hands, and that all a homeless man needs to get off the street is about a hundred billion dollars. He graciously offered to let us read his Bible to him; we gladly accepted, and proceeded to read through a section in John chapter 6. After a brief discussion, it was clear that, though he had reportedly read through the entire Bible several times (he had that particular copy for 25 years), he understood very little of it. Indeed, he seemed to love more the book and words than Him to whom the text pointed. We attempted to communicate the importance of the words, but his thoughts seemed well-grounded in the reality of the physical.
After delivering to him a ham and cheese sandwich from a nearby Subway and meeting several of his friends from "camp", he allowed us to read some more from the same chapter. Verse 35: "then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." This passage reminded me of Isaiah 55 (thanks to Kaben), so I turned to Isaiah and shared with Rick further insights on heavenly sustenance. "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul may live." (Both passages from NIV. Not sorry.) After trying to explain the difference between soul food (not traditional Southern cookin') and what I unwisely called "material" food, Rick became obsessed with understanding what I meant by "material food" and I eventually had to abort the discussion. by this time we had called the hunt's organizer, my project leader, Scott, to let him know we likely would not be returning, and had missed the deadline by several quarters of an hour. Abandoning hope of bringing this man to understanding of this small section of the Word, we conversed in casual conversation with Rick and his two friends, Mike and "Snake-Man".
My journal from earlier that morning: "22-Jan-2009 Jesus, I love you--show me how to love as you love your children." This had been a recurring prayer all week, and continues to be one of my sub-vocal goals, though I have since appended to it a cry for discernment of His Will. I think I can happily report that God is answering this quiet prayer, if slowly. As I once had as my Facebook status, "Robert Hansen has a long, long way to go."
On the topic of losing the scavenger hunt, I have been considering the concept of losing for the sake of victory. Jesus famously became death to conquer it. I wonder what other ways of intentionally losing might bring overall success. This idea fits nicely with the recent bought of pacifism brought into my life by some of Shane Clayborne's writing. I am tempted by the thought of surrendering to Christ so fully that I am willing to lay down my life not necessarily to death, but to sacrificial servitude to my fellow humanity. I am tempted toward an absolute pacifism that will never strike back at any violence, or even threaten to do so. Is this not how Jesus intended us to turn our faces and accept any blows inflicted on us for the sake of our Hope? Is this perhaps the kind of radical love that got our Lord and Savior crucified in the most horrific way? I believe the Spirit is working in me to "sensitize" me to violence, especially in videos and video games, to renew in me a gentleness that only can come with innocence and a love that can know no evil.
Another temptation: I think it would pretty nifty if I didn't have to live my life anymore, but allowed Christ to live so completely in me that my selfish, worldly desires play no part in my actions, outward or inward. I've been me long enough to realize that I am not who I want to be. Instead, I seek to surrender my will, mind, and body to the cause of Christ, who's plans are indeed perfect. I, for one, am excited about the possibility of full surrender and seeing what God chooses to do with this resurrected man.
I just finished a book about a Christian relief worker, John Weaver, who was working in Afghanistan up to and after 9/11. On the whole, I agree with his intentions and really appreciate his faith. John Weaver writes about his experience during the war between the Northern Alliance and the Taliban in Inside Afghanistan, "My real concern was not for myself. I fully trusted in God's protection, and I thought I would have enough warning to leave in a hurry if the front lines collapsed. naturally, I didn't want to die, but I had accepted the fact long before that God sometimes allows his servants to suffer and die. I worried , instead, about my Afghan coworkers and local friends." I think Weaver's attitude toward God's provision and the world's insecurity is dead on. I also have been contemplating security for a couple of months and recently concluded, contrary to my former belief, that it is okay to seek security, though not in our own inventions. Any system that humans set up is quite corruptible by any number of means, and placing any faith in such contraptions will not only set us up for disaster, but turn our gaze away from the only One who can offer true security, the only one to whom we should look for security. I think it is also important to be clear that by security I do not mean the protection of life and property, but rather the protection of Eternal Life, which we should all value much more. If I were to expound upon this idea, you would likely here my rattle on and on about one having no physical property to secure and doing no action outside of love such that one's present life is not jeopardized by falling out of God's Will.
I persist in looking forward to my project trip to Central Asia primarily for the opportunity to love people of so different a culture. My prayer is that God continues to bless me with the richness of His infinite love, that I may allow that love to flow through me into the lives around me. Again, I am a novice at this--I have suffered introversion and social awkwardness for too long (one of the many reasons I wish to die to myself and allow Christ to live through me, along with my fascination with zombie movies) to claim any proficiency in the art. But I have hope that this trip is a major component in my training.
If anyone is wondering why I now go by my middle name, Andrew (or if anyone is wondering if I now go by my middle name, Andrew), it is at least partly because of the collection of books by Orson Scott Card referred to as Ender's Series. In this series, one of my favorite themes is that the main character, who is nicknamed Ender early in life and later goes by Andrew (that's why), is praised for saving the human race from the only discovered sentient race of aliens, the insect-like Formics (yes, Sci-Fi). He manages this feat by learning to love the "buggers" so that he can understand them, then use that understanding to destroy them. Ender is unaware that humanity is using his unique gifting as a weapon--he thinks he is playing a game--but lives the rest of his life (3000+ years due to near-light speed travel and the effects of time dilation) in remorseful servitude to all life (eventually discovered to include three total sentient species). Instead of using love as a weapon, Andrew revises his methods to love again as a means of understanding, but then understanding so that he can help. So I am having people call me Andrew in part because I want to discover how I can love people to the end of assistance. Don't feel obligated to call me anything other that "Rob," especially if that is how you are accostumed to getting my attention, but it is fun to get a new name from time to time.
To the matter of finances: I am fully confident for the first time that I am not only doing what God wills (I think I've pulled that off once or twice in my life), but am also where He has called me. For this reason, I have no qualms in placing my fullest faith in His provision, and that of His Body. As of right now, I am a little over four thousand dollars short of what I require by the end of this semester, and as such had a little wrestling match with God on a good three hour walk around town. The weather was quite nice. At the beginning of the walk, it was clear that I was not trusting as fully as I should. Namely, I was worrying about the time after this internship, fearing I might have to get a real job in industry and so not be able to serve Him with my whole being. During the course of the walk, I realized, as I should have known intrinsically, that, if God chose to place me in the type of workplace I nearly have come to dread, I would be able to minister as fully as if I were working for a nominal Christian ministry. Additionally, though I cannot imagine where He might take me in four months, I should be excited to find out and trust that, as my faith grows, He will reward me with the opportunities to serve him in fulfilling and fruitful ways. To the point, I wish to rely on you, my dear readers, to be in prayer for me, that God would indeed provide all the monetary provisions required to complete this task to which He has most assuredly called me, and would illuminate the path that leads to whatever He has already decided to be next. Incidentally, I think I would prefer your prayers in this matter, as opposed to your financial contributions, because I think it would be awesome to see God work in tremendously mysterious ways. Also, if you have any tips on alternative methods of fundraising, I would greatly appreciate hearing about them because I am just about out of ideas.
It's been a long blog. Thank you for paying so much attention. Good night and rest in God's peace.
I've worked one week for this company and have no complaints. I reiterate my satisfaction in the staff and intern team at EMI.
Last week was a good one. After a couple of days of orientation specific to our office and a quick brush-up on AutoCAD standards, we, the interns, were given the delightful task of completing a scavenger hunt around the Colorado Springs downtown area. My fellow intern Sarah and I were teamed up and set our sights on victory by way of Google Maps. Along our joyful way, we got to pose as Y, M, C, and A in front of an actual YMCA with some local children on their way to, possibly, swimming lessons, or perhaps basketball try-outs, or maybe even a rhythmic dance contest. The point is, children are fun to be around. We also met a man named Frank who, I believe, is in charge of a Catholic ministry called The Marian House. At the end of the night's hunt, we met a man named Rick who showed us a fun magic trick which taught us that a penny is a dime in the right hands, and that all a homeless man needs to get off the street is about a hundred billion dollars. He graciously offered to let us read his Bible to him; we gladly accepted, and proceeded to read through a section in John chapter 6. After a brief discussion, it was clear that, though he had reportedly read through the entire Bible several times (he had that particular copy for 25 years), he understood very little of it. Indeed, he seemed to love more the book and words than Him to whom the text pointed. We attempted to communicate the importance of the words, but his thoughts seemed well-grounded in the reality of the physical.
After delivering to him a ham and cheese sandwich from a nearby Subway and meeting several of his friends from "camp", he allowed us to read some more from the same chapter. Verse 35: "then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." This passage reminded me of Isaiah 55 (thanks to Kaben), so I turned to Isaiah and shared with Rick further insights on heavenly sustenance. "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul may live." (Both passages from NIV. Not sorry.) After trying to explain the difference between soul food (not traditional Southern cookin') and what I unwisely called "material" food, Rick became obsessed with understanding what I meant by "material food" and I eventually had to abort the discussion. by this time we had called the hunt's organizer, my project leader, Scott, to let him know we likely would not be returning, and had missed the deadline by several quarters of an hour. Abandoning hope of bringing this man to understanding of this small section of the Word, we conversed in casual conversation with Rick and his two friends, Mike and "Snake-Man".
My journal from earlier that morning: "22-Jan-2009 Jesus, I love you--show me how to love as you love your children." This had been a recurring prayer all week, and continues to be one of my sub-vocal goals, though I have since appended to it a cry for discernment of His Will. I think I can happily report that God is answering this quiet prayer, if slowly. As I once had as my Facebook status, "Robert Hansen has a long, long way to go."
On the topic of losing the scavenger hunt, I have been considering the concept of losing for the sake of victory. Jesus famously became death to conquer it. I wonder what other ways of intentionally losing might bring overall success. This idea fits nicely with the recent bought of pacifism brought into my life by some of Shane Clayborne's writing. I am tempted by the thought of surrendering to Christ so fully that I am willing to lay down my life not necessarily to death, but to sacrificial servitude to my fellow humanity. I am tempted toward an absolute pacifism that will never strike back at any violence, or even threaten to do so. Is this not how Jesus intended us to turn our faces and accept any blows inflicted on us for the sake of our Hope? Is this perhaps the kind of radical love that got our Lord and Savior crucified in the most horrific way? I believe the Spirit is working in me to "sensitize" me to violence, especially in videos and video games, to renew in me a gentleness that only can come with innocence and a love that can know no evil.
Another temptation: I think it would pretty nifty if I didn't have to live my life anymore, but allowed Christ to live so completely in me that my selfish, worldly desires play no part in my actions, outward or inward. I've been me long enough to realize that I am not who I want to be. Instead, I seek to surrender my will, mind, and body to the cause of Christ, who's plans are indeed perfect. I, for one, am excited about the possibility of full surrender and seeing what God chooses to do with this resurrected man.
I just finished a book about a Christian relief worker, John Weaver, who was working in Afghanistan up to and after 9/11. On the whole, I agree with his intentions and really appreciate his faith. John Weaver writes about his experience during the war between the Northern Alliance and the Taliban in Inside Afghanistan, "My real concern was not for myself. I fully trusted in God's protection, and I thought I would have enough warning to leave in a hurry if the front lines collapsed. naturally, I didn't want to die, but I had accepted the fact long before that God sometimes allows his servants to suffer and die. I worried , instead, about my Afghan coworkers and local friends." I think Weaver's attitude toward God's provision and the world's insecurity is dead on. I also have been contemplating security for a couple of months and recently concluded, contrary to my former belief, that it is okay to seek security, though not in our own inventions. Any system that humans set up is quite corruptible by any number of means, and placing any faith in such contraptions will not only set us up for disaster, but turn our gaze away from the only One who can offer true security, the only one to whom we should look for security. I think it is also important to be clear that by security I do not mean the protection of life and property, but rather the protection of Eternal Life, which we should all value much more. If I were to expound upon this idea, you would likely here my rattle on and on about one having no physical property to secure and doing no action outside of love such that one's present life is not jeopardized by falling out of God's Will.
I persist in looking forward to my project trip to Central Asia primarily for the opportunity to love people of so different a culture. My prayer is that God continues to bless me with the richness of His infinite love, that I may allow that love to flow through me into the lives around me. Again, I am a novice at this--I have suffered introversion and social awkwardness for too long (one of the many reasons I wish to die to myself and allow Christ to live through me, along with my fascination with zombie movies) to claim any proficiency in the art. But I have hope that this trip is a major component in my training.
If anyone is wondering why I now go by my middle name, Andrew (or if anyone is wondering if I now go by my middle name, Andrew), it is at least partly because of the collection of books by Orson Scott Card referred to as Ender's Series. In this series, one of my favorite themes is that the main character, who is nicknamed Ender early in life and later goes by Andrew (that's why), is praised for saving the human race from the only discovered sentient race of aliens, the insect-like Formics (yes, Sci-Fi). He manages this feat by learning to love the "buggers" so that he can understand them, then use that understanding to destroy them. Ender is unaware that humanity is using his unique gifting as a weapon--he thinks he is playing a game--but lives the rest of his life (3000+ years due to near-light speed travel and the effects of time dilation) in remorseful servitude to all life (eventually discovered to include three total sentient species). Instead of using love as a weapon, Andrew revises his methods to love again as a means of understanding, but then understanding so that he can help. So I am having people call me Andrew in part because I want to discover how I can love people to the end of assistance. Don't feel obligated to call me anything other that "Rob," especially if that is how you are accostumed to getting my attention, but it is fun to get a new name from time to time.
To the matter of finances: I am fully confident for the first time that I am not only doing what God wills (I think I've pulled that off once or twice in my life), but am also where He has called me. For this reason, I have no qualms in placing my fullest faith in His provision, and that of His Body. As of right now, I am a little over four thousand dollars short of what I require by the end of this semester, and as such had a little wrestling match with God on a good three hour walk around town. The weather was quite nice. At the beginning of the walk, it was clear that I was not trusting as fully as I should. Namely, I was worrying about the time after this internship, fearing I might have to get a real job in industry and so not be able to serve Him with my whole being. During the course of the walk, I realized, as I should have known intrinsically, that, if God chose to place me in the type of workplace I nearly have come to dread, I would be able to minister as fully as if I were working for a nominal Christian ministry. Additionally, though I cannot imagine where He might take me in four months, I should be excited to find out and trust that, as my faith grows, He will reward me with the opportunities to serve him in fulfilling and fruitful ways. To the point, I wish to rely on you, my dear readers, to be in prayer for me, that God would indeed provide all the monetary provisions required to complete this task to which He has most assuredly called me, and would illuminate the path that leads to whatever He has already decided to be next. Incidentally, I think I would prefer your prayers in this matter, as opposed to your financial contributions, because I think it would be awesome to see God work in tremendously mysterious ways. Also, if you have any tips on alternative methods of fundraising, I would greatly appreciate hearing about them because I am just about out of ideas.
It's been a long blog. Thank you for paying so much attention. Good night and rest in God's peace.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Orientation
Greetings, friends!
It is a blustery Monday and my first day in the EMI office in sunny downtown Colorado Springs, though today is technically a day off. I'm here anyway to blog and make sure that the Internet is still online.
We just finished an intense week of orientation and training where I got to meet all the interns, staff, and long-term volunteers for Engineering Ministries International, as well as some of the full time ministers in the Colorado Springs office. During this week, we learned about EMI's mission in the world and how we (interns, specifically) fit into this plan. I was greatly encouraged by the degree to which the staff is focused on Christ as their cause, and by the hearts of my fellow interns. It is amazing to see how the Spirit appears to be working in similar ways all over America.
I also learned a little about my project trip to Afghanistan, and met my project leader Scott Powell, and his wife, Laura. I will be departing the States on February 10th and arriving in India, then crossing the border into Pakistan and on to Afghanistan. The project portion of our trip will last two weeks, likely consisting of surveying the site and interacting with the local inhabitants for whom we will be designing a community center. Then, Scott and I will travel with our hosts for a couple more weeks, scoping out potential future projects in Afghanistan. on our way back, Scott, Laura and I will return to India to greet EMI's India Office, and finally return to USA five weeks after leaving.
I was delighted to learn that I had the option of staying beyond the project trip duration and accepted gladly. I believe that God will use the extra time I spend overseas to train me for whatever He has planned for my future, namely in cross-cultural interactions and adaptation to new environments.
The weather here in Colorado Springs is quite manageable. I made do last week with what I packed before roadtripping here with my former roommate, Kaben, which did not include much in the way of heavy winter clothing. It snowed one day, but I did not suffer uncomfortable cold.
Thanks for reading! I will be praying that you be edified by this blog and that you will strive wholeheartedly to love God who has endowed us with untold Grace. Farewell!
It is a blustery Monday and my first day in the EMI office in sunny downtown Colorado Springs, though today is technically a day off. I'm here anyway to blog and make sure that the Internet is still online.
We just finished an intense week of orientation and training where I got to meet all the interns, staff, and long-term volunteers for Engineering Ministries International, as well as some of the full time ministers in the Colorado Springs office. During this week, we learned about EMI's mission in the world and how we (interns, specifically) fit into this plan. I was greatly encouraged by the degree to which the staff is focused on Christ as their cause, and by the hearts of my fellow interns. It is amazing to see how the Spirit appears to be working in similar ways all over America.
I also learned a little about my project trip to Afghanistan, and met my project leader Scott Powell, and his wife, Laura. I will be departing the States on February 10th and arriving in India, then crossing the border into Pakistan and on to Afghanistan. The project portion of our trip will last two weeks, likely consisting of surveying the site and interacting with the local inhabitants for whom we will be designing a community center. Then, Scott and I will travel with our hosts for a couple more weeks, scoping out potential future projects in Afghanistan. on our way back, Scott, Laura and I will return to India to greet EMI's India Office, and finally return to USA five weeks after leaving.
I was delighted to learn that I had the option of staying beyond the project trip duration and accepted gladly. I believe that God will use the extra time I spend overseas to train me for whatever He has planned for my future, namely in cross-cultural interactions and adaptation to new environments.
The weather here in Colorado Springs is quite manageable. I made do last week with what I packed before roadtripping here with my former roommate, Kaben, which did not include much in the way of heavy winter clothing. It snowed one day, but I did not suffer uncomfortable cold.
Thanks for reading! I will be praying that you be edified by this blog and that you will strive wholeheartedly to love God who has endowed us with untold Grace. Farewell!
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